Survival Guide

How to Deal with Your Daughter's Hair (and why)

tony — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:21:09 -0700

Most guys would rather do anything else than read about hair styling, but if you've got a daughter, hair can be an important issue. Hair is generally seen as a sign of beauty for females, and this is impressed upon girls at a very young age-whenever they get a new haircut or wear a cute barrette, everyone tells them how pretty they look, so they start caring about their hair pretty early on. Plus, girls usually wear their hair longer, so at a minimum, your daughter's hair needs to be brushed through and styled in a way that keeps it out of her face (and the fingerpaints). So before we get to the issue of styling, here are a few pointers on brushing and combing long hair.

Wet hair: Comb through her hair as soon as possible after you wash it (and use a comb, not a brush). Once the hair starts to air-dry, it's harder to comb out the tangles. For girls with thick or very long hair, avoid tears with using conditioner or some spray-on detangler-you can get it at most drugstores or kids' hair salons. Also, for thicker hair, a wide-tooth comb works best.
Dry hair: If you're facing a serious case of bedhead, you need to work through those tangles with care. Take a handful of hair and hold it at the top, near her scalp, then use a comb to pick through the snarls. (It may be tempting to just yank through the tangles, but that technique hurts. A lot.) When all the tangles are out, give her whole head a once-over with the comb or brush.

While a quick brush-through and a barrette are sometimes enough, especially when you're late for school, you will occasionally be called upon to perform a little more artistry. Here are a few basic hairstyles for little girls, from easiest to hardest, and how to create them. (Note: Be sure to use elastics made for use on hair-you can get small ones designed for kids. But NEVER use a regular rubber band, or it will take scissors to get it out.)
Ponytail: Scoop up all of her hair with one hand, and with the other, comb through the hair on the top and sides of her head to smooth it out. You can make a low ponytail at the back of her neck, a high ponytail up at the crown of her head, or something in between. Then wrap an elastic around the hair. Put a ribbon or scrunchie around the elastic if she wants to look fancy. Once you've mastered that, you can also do a partial ponytail, where you just use the hair on top of her head and pull it back.
Pigtails: Pigtails are just two ponytails, on either side of the head. Begin by parting the hair into two sections. You do this by taking a comb, placing the tip at the top of the back of her head, and drawing a straight line down to her neck; make sure the part is straight and centered. Wrap each section of hair in an elastic, a little bit behind the ear, at whatever height she likes. When you're done, look at her from the front to make sure the pigtails are at about the same place on each side.
Braids: Braiding seems hard at first, but after you've done it a few times, it gets easy-it's just a matter of getting the pattern down. Divide the hair into three even sections. Take the right section and cross it over the center section. Then take the left section and cross it over the center section (which was formerly the right section). Keep alternating, crossing the right and left sections over the center section, tightening the braid as you go until you're a couple inches from the end of the hair. Secure it with an elastic. Check out this video to see how it's done. You can also make braid pigtails, parting the hair as described above and braiding each section separately.
French braids: Don't even try this until you've got regular braiding down pat. French braiding is a little more difficult, and requires a degree of manual dexterity, but little girls just love to have their hair French braided because it looks so pretty. You start by gathering a small section of hair at the crown of her head, and dividing that section into three. Then criss-cross each side section over the center section as described above, but the trick is that before you cross a side section, you add a little more hair to that section. It's not easy at first, but it's also not as hard as it sounds-and probably easier to understand if you see it.

Please note that some girls may have hair that requires more specialized treatment; for example, for girls with very curly or kinky hair, it may not be necessary-or advisable-to comb it through. With these girls, you may just need to call in some female assistance. But once you learn how to do a few cute hairstyles for your little girl, she's going to think you're awesome (and the women in your life will be pretty impressed too).

How to Support Your Daughter When She Has Her First Period

tony — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 18:13:55 -0800

Ahh, springtime. Your daughter is growing up, climbing in height, softening around the edges and quickly discarding the child and baby you once knew. She is becoming a woman, and there's nothing you can do about it. She can't be your little girl forever.

As a father, it is understandably difficult, if not downright impossible, to understand what she's going through. Let's face it -- we're men. Puberty for us meant a deeper voice, a growth spurt and some hair. All pluses. Girls started to look a little cuter to us during puberty, as well. Another plus.

For girls, though, puberty is a universally different milestone. Society has placed the impetus on women to be beautiful -- not men -- and it is ironically during this time in their lives that girls begin to understand this more and more. As puberty progresses, young girls grow into the women they will become, and they learn to reconcile their body image with our cultural expectations of the "perfect woman." It is a tremendously fragile and self-conscious journey, and men are not equipped to understand or deal with it.

Your daughter will probably start to show signs of puberty at around 10 years old, although it can happen anywhere between the ages of 8 and 12, generally. The beginning of female puberty is known as thelarche, and it is characterized by the development of breasts. Around 18 months later she will begin to grow underarm and pubic hair, and then in another six months or so she'll begin menarche -- her first period.

Of course, as her father you won't know when she gets her first period unless she tells you. It's not necessarily apparent, although there may be some warning signs. All girls experience menstruation differently, and some girls take it harder than others. You daughter may experience flu-like symptoms, such as headache, backache, sore legs and nausea. The most common symptoms, of course, are cramping and discharge.

This is not something your daughter will want to discuss with her dad. Likewise, it's probably a decent bet that you're not really all that interested in discussing it with her, either. In situations like these, it's best to call in the wife. As a father you can certainly take a role in her development, but only if you're asked to. Otherwise, you can really only be supportive of her -- by understanding that she's changing, and by being sensitive to her moods and her needs. It's a strange job, and you may find yourself in over your head, but it's the easiest way for all involved.

For the single father, however, ducking out isn't always an option. With no wife to turn to, you may start to feel a little bit like a deer in the headlights. You haven't the slightest idea what you're going to do -- how can you even approach your daughter with something like this?

Find a woman -- Your best bet, in all honesty, is to find a woman who can help. Your mother is an easy first choice, as are any female relatives. In the absence of family, choose a close female friend to help. Even an ex-girlfriend who you are on good terms with would work. You can learn as much as you want about menstruation and cramping and pubic hair growth, but none of that is going to help you when your daughter needs to apply her first Tampax. You need a woman.
Brush up -- Where experience isn't possible, we can only rely on knowledge. That is to say, it's time for Menstruation 101. In all likelihood you won't even need this stuff, because your daughter will have already learned it in school or on the Internet. Even if you do need to tell her what it is, you'll probably be so nervous you can't finish. Still, it doesn't hurt to get to know your enemy. These two articles (here and here) will give you everything you need to know.
Point her in the right direction -- If your daughter inexplicably doesn't know the first thing about menstruation, it's going to fall on you to teach her. Rather than put yourself through the embarrassment of discussing it with her, you can help her find some information. Web sites like DotGirlProducts.com and Tampax.com have lots of information on puberty and menstruation, and some even have testimonials from other girls about their first times.
Don't make her feel weird -- Some websites discuss throwing menarche parties for your daughter's first period, with jewelry and dancing and female friends and other girl stuff. DO NOT DO THIS. This is the territory of the girl's mother or your chosen symbolic menstruation instructor -- not her father. In other departments, don't embarrass her in front of her friends, try to avoid making references to her being a child or otherwise underdeveloped, and don't make her feel ugly ... ever.
Take her out sometime -- Sometimes it's best to just go out and have fun and not worry about it. Let her know that you want to take her out and do something with her, whatever she likes. Make a daddy-daughter date out of it, with dinner and a movie, if you like. Talk about innocuous things and just generally enjoy your daughter's presence. She'll enjoy it, as well, and she'll appreciate the gesture.

You're in enemy territory here, and it's okay to be scared. If you've got a good wife on your side, however, you've got nothing to worry about. If you're stuck out here on your own, this may be more of a problem. Stick it out, however, and just keep one thing in mind: your daughter is becoming a woman. That means she's still part little girl, and you better enjoy it while it lasts.

Kids & Dentists

tony — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 11:35:44 -0700

Recently, I’ve been hearing more and more of these horror stories about 5-yo kids with 7 cavities having to go through all these painful operations. Oh man, if I get weak at the knees, I can’t imagine what it would do to my shy little 4-year old.

Plus, I was that kid who in 5^th grade had the full-on headgear. If you just painted my school’s mascot on my head, you would’ve mistaken me for a cornerback (well, a puny, 90-pounder cornerback). Needless to say, I made lots of visits to my dentist.

The main thing that I’ve learned about the dentist recently is that it can be a good experience, if we parents just get out of the way. I asked our family dentist, Dr. Jane Maa of Savin Dental Associates, about her perspective on the care of our kids’ teeth. I opted to include as much detail as possible here since this can get people pretty anxious.

How to Choose a Good Dentist For Your Kids

There’s really no great way to find a good dentist. Even Dr. Maa admitted as much. Nonetheless, Dr. Maa suggests the following:

If you like your own dentist, you can ask if they take kids, and if so, starting at what age. Most general dentists do see kids.
You can look at directories and customer reviews (e.g. yelp.com, American Dental Association), but the best place is to start is your friends. Word-of-mouth is the best way to go.
Pediatric dentists are typically really good – everything is set up for the kids. The chairs are smaller, the rooms are brighter, and you’ll have confidence that they know how to handle kids, even the junior monsters. Just remember, that they are considered specialists and are usually more expensive.

How to Prepare Your Kid for Their Dentist Appointment

Talk about the experience in a positive light. “You’re so lucky to be going to the dental office. Only big boys and girls get to go. Everyone at Dr. Savin’s office is so nice, and they’re all looking forward to meeting you.” Talk about how going to the dentist makes our teeth shiny, healthy, and strong so we can eat well. Maybe you’ll get a prize, and you’ll always get a new toothbrush.
Don’t talk about negative experiences. Obviously don’t tell your kids your old horror stories (“and then my blood spurted right onto his glasses!”) And explain to the older siblings not to do so either (“oh Johnny, the dentist is like that kid Sid in Toy Story!”). Don’t use these words: afraid, hurt, pain, shots, bleeding.
Read some books to them. Some good ones: Dora Goes to the Dentist, Berenstein Bears Visit the Dentist, and Going to the Dentist. Don’t say “see, it’s not scary!” but instead say, “now that you're a big boy, you'll be able to visit the dentist like Dora, are you excited?!" For slightly older kids, there are some interactive games at the American Dental Association.

How to Have a Good Visit to the Dentist

When you get your child’s appointment at the office, ask the receptionist for the name of the hygienist. Talk to your child about the hygienist ahead of time, using her name, the way you would talk to a friend.
Believe it or not, kids do better without their parents in the treatment room. The dentist has to establish a relationship of trust. Staying in the room may cause your child to want sympathy and/or act up. Some parents play into it and make the whole visit more difficult. If you do stay in the room, simply tell your child firmly to pay attention to Dr. Maa and don’t say too much else so the child can be focused on the dentist.
Don’t over-coddle your kids at the dentist. Usually, the reason why kids misbehave at the dentist is because of their parents overprotecting them. Or the kid will get a bad vibe from their parents. Or sometimes, some parents threaten their kid to behave well OR parents who bribe them too much. This creates a situation where the kid is bargaining with their parents through their fussing. Just be firm and re-assuring, and let the dentists do their thing.

What to Expect When Your Kid’s in the Chair

I asked Dr. Maa for the “inside scoop” for how they work with kids at their office. Here’s a little bit what she said:

“Younger kids that can't sit in the chair on their own (usually the first visit is between 1-2 years old) would require the parents to be in the room and even for the kid to sit on their lap. Kids that are 3-4 yr usually can sit in the chair on their own so it's not crucial that the parents are in the room. The kids feel confident because they accomplished something on their own.

Normally, if parents want to be in the room, it's okay and we allow that. Nonetheless, we like to have full attention of the kid so we can reassure them and help them have a good experience. If the parents are there smothering over the kid, it introduces bad habits for future visits. So, to be honest, it’s the parents who have to behave =)

Normally we follow the pattern: tell-show-do. We don't introduce anything in the mouth until we show them outside of the mouth first. Then with kid's agreement, we use the instrument in their mouth. Usually that prevents any fearful events from occurring.

As for cleaning, if the patient starts crying, we stop what we're doing. Looking at the kid in the eye, using calm and firm voice to find out why they are crying and reassure them. Cleaning appointment is usually the first step to build our relationship with the kid. We talk things thru to gain their trust, individualize our procedures, and focus less on doing everything by the book .

If it's a filling appointment, again we simply tell them what we're going to do before we start. We DON"T tell them we're going to drill their teeth, we'll going to give them a shot. Parents should also avoid those terms and try not to explain too much about filling procedures to their kids prior to their appointment. We tell them we're going to clean out the buggies, there is a lot of water spraying and vibration. Just like when they are scrubbing their body to clean them, we're scrubbing the tooth to clean them. We tell them we put the teeth to sleep so we can clean them well. We tell them that they are in control. If they listen and follow our instructions well, they will not feel anything. If there is too much water or if they need a break, they can raise their right hand and we’ll stop right away. We teach them relaxation techniques and use nitrous oxide to help. 80-90 percent of kids don't need Novocain for filling; they do well as long as they have nitrous oxide. They usually say they just feel a tickle on the teeth when we drill them. If they do need Novocain, nitrous oxide is administered first so they feel less. We do warn them they may feel a tiny pinch. 85 percent of the patients say they don’t even feel the pinch. And as long as we have the TV on, it is a great distraction tool.

Again, we use firm and calming voice to explain and reassure them throughout the appointment. If the child does cry and we can't calm them down, sometimes we will use parents as leverage: “If you calm down and don't cry, I can have mommy or daddy sit in the room with you. They will sit in that stool and be in the room with you.”

Make sure your dentist goes over the recommended treatment before starting the treatment. If you are really unsure about whether a treatment is necessary, go get a 2^nd opinion.

How to Help Your Kid Avoid Those Cavities

While there are many reasons for cavity city to happen in your kids’ mouth (diet, genetics, oral hygiene), the #1 culprit is bad habits. So, the key here is to start forming good habits from a very early age.

Don’t let your child go to sleep with bottle filled with juice (or anything other than water)
At 5 years old, parents should take responsibility to make sure their kid brushes. And if they eat anything afterwards, they have to brush again. Flossing is also important – those back teeth start to grow really close together, so those cavities sneak up between the teeth very often.
Don’t just be satisfied if your kid brushed. Check them out, too.
Ask the dentist after each check-up where they saw the most plague build-up – chances are, these are the spots that are not getting brushed as well.

Thanks to Dr. Jane Maa of Savin Dental Associates for providing such great and detailed information. Good luck out there, and remember to floss!

Other Resources

American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry: Parents Resource Page

Tips on Snacking

Dental Care for Babies

Having regular check up is the best for you child

American Dental Association

How to Entertain Your Kids for Next to Nothing

tony — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 10:42:59 -0700

Even though our children seem in constant need of entertainment, most budgets will not support weekly trips to Disneyland, Six Flags, or the latest Characters on Ice show. Below are some ideas on how to entertain those restless offspring when the wind seems to be whistling through the void in your wallet.

A Day in the Park - Every subdivision in America has at least one neighborhood park that comes complete with swings, slides, and other playground equipment that will entertain your restless child for an hour or two. Most of the modern equipment-back in the day we called them "jungle gyms"-are built with safety in mind and you can either join your child in the climbing, sliding, and swinging or you can set up a playdate and watch your child scamper with a friend while you sit on the bench, listening to your iPod or fiddling with your Blackberry.

Similarly, every city usually has some larger, more dramatic park that is typically in some historically significant part of the city and sports such attractions as carousels, petting zoos, botanical gardens, trains, or other rides for younger children. These activities may cost a few dollars, but they always work as a special treat. Check on-line or in local newspapers for details in your area.
The Library - While sitting with your child and sharing a story can be incredibly gratifying, most public libraries are about so much more than books these days. Most have separate children's sections with age appropriate furniture, games, crayons, paper, books, and toys. Other sections have PC centers with internet access, computer games, and word processors. Interestingly, many libraries also offer hundreds of videos, DVDs, and audio CDs that are available for check out. Today, going to the library is truly a multi-media experience and-except for those pesky overdue fines--it usually doesn't cost a dime.
The Airport - Take your children to the big city airport, sit by the arrival and departure gates, and make use of their imagination. Who can find the most exotic arrival or departure destination on the monitors? Who can find the tackiest souvenir in the gift shop? Make up backstories for the travelers. Is the Parisian woman in the trenchcoat a European spy? Is the bearded man in the parka a dog sled racer for the Iditarod? And what about the old lady knitting the blanket-senior citizen or bank robber in disguise? Only your children will know for sure. For some quiet time, stand at the window and watch in awe as planes roar down the runway and soar into the sky.
Swap Meets and Farmers' Markets - Wandering through a local swap meet or farmer's market can be a fun time for you and your children, and it doesn't have to cost you a penny. At the swap meet, you can play "who has the weirdest thing for sale" game or explain to your youngster that those round black things are called "record albums." Share an apple or some flowers or sample some organic juice at the local farmer's market. When your weekend calendar has some white space, this might just do the trick.
Museums - Experiencing compelling artwork with your child-whether paintings, sculptures, or photography-can be a powerful opportunity for bonding. Most cities have local museums that cater to families, either through programs that offer free or reduced admission prices on certain days. Lately, we've also seen the emergence of special exhibits at local malls. Many cities also have unique children's museums that offer exciting, entertaining, and education interactive exhibits that give kids a truly "hands-on" experience and can cover such themes as art, music, and science. These places often charge a nominal fee, but the experience can be invaluable.

Whether discussing the color and movement in a local artist's painting, observing people as they board a flight to the Ukraine, or flinging your son or daughter around the carousel for the fifth time in an hour, it is possible to keep youngsters entertained on a shoestring budget. In the end, it really doesn't matter what you do-as long as the ultimate result is quality time with your child.

How to Deal with the Loss of a Pet

tony — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 10:34:47 -0700

The joys of owning a pet can truly be innumerable, and over time "Porter" the dog or "Boots" the cat can become a cherished part of the family. Eventually, though, the death of that pet can rock the emotions throughout your household. Often, children are hardest hit by the loss, sometimes even being at an age where they do not remember what life was like without that friend of the family. When that time comes, the following approaches may help make dealing with the loss of a pet easier for you and your children.

Prepare them ahead of time - While it may be impossible to anticipate accidents, if your pet has a lingering illness, terminal disease, or debilitating injury, it is important that you prepare your children ahead of time for what is likely to come. Be honest. Explain that the pet is sick and will likely die. Explain that when animals die, they do not get better and they do not come back. Tell them that it's not okay for the animal to suffer and that it's important to make the animal as comfortable as possible. Sometimes it is appropriate to say that their pet will "be happier when she gets to heaven," or to talk about how when she passes away, she will be with other animals in a place where she can run all she wants and play in the grass forever. Sometimes these metaphors work for children.

As it gets closer, though, a delicate comment like "it looks like she might pass away soon," might help. And while many children might not be ready for every detail, it is important not to lie. Don't tell your children that your dog "ran away," or "went to live on a farm."
Respect their emotions - Allow your child to express him or herself regarding the loss. Their emotions are likely to be all over the place. Sometimes they may be withdrawn and reflective, other times clingy or weepy. Other times, your child may even dismiss it or act if he or she is unaffected. Be patient and respectful of all their emotions. Share memories, laughs, and tears. Be willing to talk about it, but mostly listen. Whatever they are feeling, it's okay. Give them the room to feel what they feel. There are also excellent books like Dog Heaven and Cat Heaven that can help children deal with their loss and understand what has taken place.
Take steps to commemorate the memories - Gather pictures of your pet with and without family members. Sit and talk with your children while they make a frame for their favorite picture to keep in their room. Or, if you prefer, use many of the pictures to make a scrapbook or collage. If your child is old enough, encourage your child to write about his or her feelings--whether as a journal entry, poem, or story. And if you feel it might help, organize a ceremony to give your pet a proper memorial (a group prayer, for example, a special dinner, or maybe even a trip to a favorite park where each family member shares his or her memories of the pet). It is critical to allow your children to work through both their feelings and their memories.

According to San Diego-based child psychologist Valerie J. Christian, when children lose a pet they "may become fearful of losing other significant relationships." Furthermore, she recommends that you "find out what thoughts they are having and what emotions they are experiencing. Be reassuring and patient. With time, your children should work through these feelings and fears." The death of a pet can be a very traumatic, moving, and emotional experience for both you and your children. Following the aforementioned steps, however, just may help to soften the blow for your entire family.

Related links:
VetMedicine's take

iVillage's take

How to Deal with Cheating Child

tony — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 13:30:08 -0700

As a father, few things are more embarrassing than being called to the principal's office because your child was caught cheating on a test. This not only makes your child look bad, but it also makes you look like a bad father. The worst part is that you don't know why your child would do such a thing! Your first reaction might be to say, "That can't be my kid." But that only makes the situation worse. Believe it or not, your child is capable of doing something wrong from time to time. If your son or daughter has been in trouble for cheating, here are some suggestions for dealing with the situation so they'll think twice and even three times before they ever do it again.

Determine why your child is cheating. If they're young, it could be because they don't know that cheating is wrong. If they're older, there could be other reasons. Maybe they feel too much pressure to do well on their tests. Or maybe they simply didn't study for a test because they were too busy watching TV the night before. If they're cheating at sports, they might be looking for a scholarship to their favorite college. Before you can decide the best method of action, you'll need to get to the bottom of their reason for cheating.
Accept their faults. All too often, parents are afraid (or too arrogant) to accept the fact that their children have faults. Cheating is just one of the many things your child might do wrong. If you're lucky, your child will only cheat once before learning from their mistake. When it happens, you shouldn't dismiss it as "kids being kids" or a misunderstanding. Accept the fact that your child cheated and deal with it immediately.
Start teaching them early. Some kids might cheat because they see others doing it and they've just never been taught that it's wrong. You might be waiting until the right time to talk about it, but there's no time like the present. Before you know it, they could be teenagers cheating on their mid-term test and getting expelled from high school because of it. The best time to start talking about cheating is when they begin school. Children learn most during their first few years and they also absorb a huge amount of what they're taught in these years. Start now and avoid the embarrassing phone call from their teacher later.
Explain why cheating is wrong. Young children are generally trying to learn right from wrong. With them, you can simply explain that cheating is "wrong." But cheating isn't only wrong, it's unfair to those who work hard without cheating. You can always use the cliché "Cheaters never win," but that loses meaning if you say it enough. Explain that cheating only undermines their actual abilities and makes them feel less confident. Hard work pays off much more than cheating because you actually get long-term benefits from it. Your child might not understand this concept now, but they will as they get older.
Discuss the consequences of cheating. If you've ever cheated on your taxes, you've probably spent some sleepless nights staring at the ceiling and wondering when Uncle Sam will catch up to you. If children aren't taught the consequences of cheating, they might not have this type of conscience to remind them what will happen if they decide to cheat. They might even think it's okay to cheat if there's not chance of getting caught. On top of reminding them why cheating is wrong, drill into their heads the consequences of cheating, including embarrassment, punishment and even prison if they get caught cheating at the wrong thing when they get older. Most children will simply avoid cheating because it's wrong, but you might need to use the "scared straight" method with others.
Play board games on family night. Some children cheat simply because they don't like the humiliation of losing. Even with family board games, they might feel like winning is important. But you can turn this around by setting aside one or two nights a week to play games with the family. When your child loses, be sure to be a good sport about it. Don't chant things like "loser" or taunt them when they lose. This will only make them want to cheat next time. Show them that losing and being happy are still okay so they can see that playing fair and giving it their best shot is much more important than winning, especially if it means they have to cheat.
7. Allow some time for video games. With the exception of using cheat codes, it's nearly impossible to cheat on video games. Allowing your child to play video games that enhance skills and patience will help them transfer these traits into real-life events and situations. If they're playing video games with a friend, they can even learn how to lose graciously and be a good winner. Just don't let them play so long that they become cross-eyed. Choosing the right video games and letting them play in moderation can be a great tool to help them avoid cheating.
Let them suffer the consequences. If you've received that dreaded phone call from your child's teacher, don't try to get your child out of trouble. Allow the teacher to punish them as they see fit (as long as it's reasonable) and then discuss the situation with your child in private. If their dad gets them out of trouble, it's not teaching them the negative consequences of cheating.

Cheating as a child is usually just a small problem. Some younger children might not know that it's wrong or they might just be testing their limits. But when they continually cheat as they grow up, it could be a problem that affects their future as an adult and even create serious consequences for their life. Deal with cheating at the first sign of it to nip it in the bud and help prevent any lasting problems with this ethical problem.

How to Explain Things to Your Child in Ways They Understand

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:18:34 -0700

Have you ever tried to explain something to your kids using language that they are simply too young to understand? Or, worse yet, using language with your teenager that is more appropriate for a toddler? Either way can be a waste of your time and your child's time. Telling your four-year-old toddler to clean his room because a messy room is a socially unacceptable behavior and girls don't like men who keep messy rooms won't do a bit of good. And trying to explain sex to your 14-year-old by using the "birds and bees" will only make them laugh at you even more than teenagers typically do. Consider these suggestions to ensure that your conversations with your children are always age-appropriate and effective so you can enjoy better communication with them.

Think like a child - For some of us, this isn't very difficult. Women always say we think like children anyways, so it might not be much of a stretch. But when you're trying to explain something in an age-appropriate way, try to put yourself in your son's or daughter's situation to find the best language to use. The best way to do this is to listen to how they speak and then use many of the same words they use.
Let them ask the questions - By allowing them to lead the conversation, you might "luck out" and get a bunch of "yes or no" questions. That relieves the pressure on you to think of the words you should use. It also gives you an idea of how mature your child is and the types of things they have already learned. This can help you find the best words to use when explaining other things to them in the near future.
Use school situations - School is such a huge part of a child's life. As a result, they can readily relate to the situations they face. When trying to explain something to your children, try to use recent school experiences or hypothetical school situations to help them understand what you're trying to say. You can also use their playtime or the cartoons they watch if they're too young for school.
Simplicity works - Don't make things too difficult for them to understand. For instance, if you're trying to explain birth to a toddler, you don't need to explain the intricacies of the birth canal and the umbilical cord. Keep the process as simple as possible or else they just won't understand.
Read what they're reading - Take an interest in your child's hobbies and interests. For instance, what type of books do they enjoy reading? What type of TV shows do they watch? Get a feel for their language by looking at their surroundings. If you do this enough, using age-appropriate language will eventually become second nature to you.
Enlist some help - An ideal person to ask about age-appropriate language is your child's teacher. They deal with children all day and they have to know how to communicate effectively with them. They've probably even heard some of the slang and lingo that the kids your child's age tend to use when they're with each other. Ask the teacher for suggestions. They'll be more than happy to help you out.
Find a video to do the trick - While it's not best to let videos and TV teach your children all the time, sometimes they can be very handy. This is especially true when you're at a loss or when you're stuck. You might be surprised about the wide range of videos that are out there. You can probably find one relevant to almost any situation and relating to any age group. Do you want to explain racism to your toddler? There's likely a video out there that will do just that in an age-appropriate and sensitive way. From sharing to learning about puberty and everything in between, there's likely some material that can be a lot of help.

Sometimes it's not easy to talk to your children because of the generation gap. This gap can also lead to a language barrier that can prevent you from communicating effectively with your child. Remember, there's no shame in asking for help or finding other materials that can make the job easier. It's better than not communicating with your young children at all.

How to Homeschool Your Children

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:15:46 -0700

Taking it upon yourself to homeschool your children is a big decision--it has its virtues and drawbacks. By doing so you're taking it upon yourself to educate your child, leaving no possibility that your child may pick up information you don't want him or her to have. However, it's a full-time job and it requires lots of dedication.

Parents are increasingly taking to homeschooling for a variety of reasons. Some believe that public school systems aren't doing enough, that No Child Left Behind curriculum caters to the dumbest, and not the smartest, kids in class. Others are pulling their kids for purely religious reasons, choosing to give their children a religious education at home rather than a secular one in public schools.

For whatever reason, more and more parents are pulling their kids from the classroom and putting them in the dining room. According to HomeSchool.com, more than three million kids are currently being educated at home in the U.S.

Although it's a big challenge, homeschooling is definitely a possibility for any family. The Internet has become an amazing resource for parents new to homeschooling and those that have been doing it for years. Here are some tips and advice to get you started:

Get to know your state laws - Homeschooling is currently legal in all 50 states, but each state has its own laws and regulations concerning the practice. Local support groups in your area are an invaluable resource for finding out what is required of you as a homeschooling parent.
Pick up some reading material - There are literally thousands of how-to books on homeschooling, and picking up one of these is a good place to get started. HomeSchool.com recommends "So You're Thinking About Homeschooling" by Lisa Whelchel and "The Ultimate Book of Homeschooling Ideas" by Linda Dobson.
Choose an approach that's best for you both - There isn't one "approved" method of homeschooling children. Rather, many parents subscribe to different schools of thought regarding how best to teach their kids. Some use the traditional "School-at-Home" technique, as if they've simply brought the public school curriculum home for their kids. "Relaxed" homeschooling, on the other hand, allows a parent to focus on the subjects he or she believes are best for their child by using whichever textbooks, workbooks or materials he or she deems appropriate. "Unschooling," on the other hand, is the practice of letting your kids teach themselves, but this method is problematic when your kids take assessment tests or reenter the school system.
Consider the social implications - The biggest arguments against homeschooling revolve around the idea that because your child is not socializing with groups of kids her age, she will become a social outcast later in life. This argument has its merits and pitfalls, however. While it is certainly true that removing socializing agents like peer groups and teachers will affect their development, it is not necessarily true that it will do so in a negative way. Homeschooled kids potentially interact with kids of various ages, helping to teach the younger ones and being taught by the older ones. Also, by keeping them out of public schools you control what information they learn. In this sense, you don't have to worry about your daughter finding out about the birds and the bees from some punk three grades above her. It's essentially a "lesser-of-two-evils" consideration, and you have to determine that answer for yourself. Whether you homeschool or not, take your kids to experience new things and meet different types of people.

Homeschooling your children can be a rewarding and enriching experience. By doing so you get to rediscover the things you learned as a child, see things for the first time through your child's eyes, and take delight in the knowledge that you're taking your child's education into your own hands. It can be tough at times, but there are thousands of helpful articles out there that can get you through the rough patches. And if those don't work, give your kids a snow day. You can always come back to it later.

How to Juggle Work and Family (2nd opinion)

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:13:36 -0700

For centuries, a husband and father's job has remained essentially the same - it is his duty to leave the family, hunt, and return with sustenance. Although we now bring home money rather than venison, men are still what they always have been: hunters and gatherers.

This will never be more important than during your wife's first few weeks after the birth. Since she is recovering and possibly unable to work herself, the job of financial provider may rest solely on your shoulders. You may find yourself working longer hours, and putting your work away once you get home will become more and more difficult.

It is important, however, to separate your work from your family. Constantly fretting about business prevents you from living in the moment and cherishing each and every second with your beautiful new baby. It can also strain your relationship with your wife, who may think you're "at home, but not at home." If you're having trouble leaving work at work, or if you're just trying to find a balance, take some advice:

Rearrange your schedule, not your family's - If you have to put in extra hours to finish a particularly large project, don't steal those hours from your family. Instead of staying late, go in early. Although you might have a hard time dragging yourself out of bed in the morning, it's better to lose a few hours sleep than lose a few hours of raising your daughter.
Turn off your laptop - With technology at it's peak, we literally never have to leave our offices. Even at home, we're connected to every facet of our work - through out laptops, our Blackberries, our cell phones, and our email accounts. If you don't extract yourself from work, then, it will constantly be hanging over your head. Turn off your electronics, no matter how hard it may be. If you're too dedicated to work to do so, then you have a problem. Being a workaholic is a very real issue, and you may need counseling.
Practice a no-work policy - Let it be known around your house that you will do absolutely no work while at home. Don't forget to circulate this around the office, as well. Inform all your coworkers that no issue is important enough to require you to work during your family's time. If there is a problem, it will still be there when you arrive in the morning. Unless you're a major corporate player pulling in tens of millions of dollars every year, there is never a reason you should be answering calls from work at 8 p.m.
Take the long way home - No one should be expected to jump seamlessly from one role to another. After a long day of fretting over work issues, it may be hard to put those away enough to enjoy your time at home. Give yourself time to let go of your workday by taking the long way home. Drive through a park, get a soda somewhere or just park and let your thoughts drift. Let go of work before you get home, so you'll be ready to devote your night to your family.

Anything to which you devote 40 hours a week is going to bleed in to the rest of your life. You have to remember, though, that while providing for your family is of supreme importance, your job is not. In the long run, would you rather have spent your life surrounded by your loved ones or surrounded by work?

How to Deal with That Recurring Ear Infection

tony — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:11:05 -0700

"Ear infection." Among parents that have lived to tell the tale, these are dirty words. They're the most common ailments that kids between the ages of 6 months and two years suffer from, and they can easily make a kid very miserable. This can mean sleepless nights, cranky days and general melancholy around the house -- no fun.

According to numerous sources, ear infections are problems for two out of every three kids, and they can be severe issues for one of those two. The most common ear infection is acute otitis media, which is an infection of the middle ear. They are typically caused as a result of upper respiratory infections, but there are many factors that can contribute to their creation.

It is possible to take steps to prevent ear infections. There are several factors in your child's life that cause them, and you can easily control them and drastically reduce your kid's chance of picking up another ear infection.

1. Upper respiratory infection - This is one of the most common causes of middle ear infections. Your best bet at preventing this illness is limiting your child's exposure. Avoid taking your baby to places where large crowds gather. While it may seem rude, you should also avoid letting your baby come in contact with people who could be sick.

2. Smoking - Living with secondhand smoke can increase risk for ear infection by up to 50 percent in most children. Most researchers agree that particles in tobacco smoke congest the tube in the inner ear and prevent it from being able to drain. This backup of fluid is a breeding ground for bacteria, leading to ear infection.

3. Bottle feeding - The longer your wife breast feeds, the less likely it will be for your child to develop ear infections. Breastfeeding passes along vital antibodies and immunities that can help prevent the outbreak of infection in children. Also, babies who bottle feed while lying down are more at risk, because the tubes of the inner ear open up when your child is in a horizontal position. This allows fluids to gather, increasing the chance of infection.

4. Family history - Much like asthma or diabetes, chronic ear infections can be genetic ailments. If babies in your family have a history of ear infections, it's possible that you've passed that onto your child as well. If problems persist for extended periods (longer than 48 hours), talk to your pediatrician about antibiotics. If several rounds of antibiotics don't help, you may consider ear tubes. Although this method is controversial, it may be best for a child with chronic problems.

Ear infections can be a nightmare, but they don't have to continue forever. By taking control of just a few factors in your child's life, you can help lessen the odds that he'll come down with another one. Hopefully by following these tips, your whole house can get a good night's sleep again.

For more information on ear infections and how to treat them, consider these links here and here.