Home alone with the kids

by Andy Van Horn

Sure I can handle it

My wife asked me take care of our daughter so she could be a volunteer advisor at a drug prevention camp for a week in July.  What was I going to say?  "No."   I am 37.  I have multiple degrees in education and I taught school for 9 years.  I now work from home with an incredibly flexible schedule.  Most people would kill for the situation I have in order to be a single parent for a week.  I can handle this.  She asked in February.  You would think that this would give me enough time to be ready.  Oh silly daddy, that meant I had only 5 months to get ready.  Here is what I learned.

Zone D is the way to go.

While I am a musician by training, I understand sports and I live in LA where the main sports team is the Lakers (sorry Orlando).  Man to man is a valid defense in sports but when your opposition gets naps, seems to draw on an endless supply of energy, does not need to earn money and gets to sleep for 12 hours-while you do everything you could not do when she was awake (like relax, clean, cook, think)-then man to man will not work.  She can wear you down, even at 3 feet 6 inches tall. 

This is what I learned.  Make sure to take advantage of support, any support. By the end of the week, I had to take a 2 hour break to get rid of a headache.  If I had not then I would have been a horrible dad when my daughter got home from pre-school. I had the advantage of working from home so I made up the work at night.  So I also learned to use the resources you got.  Friends, family, educational TV (or any TV), flexible work schedule, whatever will give you some time to yourself to reenergize.  Let someone else carry the load for a little while.

2 minus 1 is not 1 but 0 in parent math

That is the amount of time that is now your own.  As soon as my wife left to go to "drug camp" (I got more sarcastic about her trip as the week progressed), I realized that the big things were not the issue.  It was the little stuff.  I give my daughter baths on a regular basis, I make lunch, I got breakfast and dinner covered, I put her to bed, I get her dressed but I never do all of them in one day, much less 5 days in a row.  While my wife would do some of the things listed above I would check email, look at a sports score, or think about going for a run (or actually go for one).  This week my personal time was gone.  It was not watching the super bowl or a night out with friends that I missed but rather the 15-30 minutes spread over a day that gets your brain in a different place. 

New Respect for Single Parents

My mom was a single parent and I know she had it tough.  She raised two boys on less than $30,000 a year, with no such things as video games, food delivery or summer camps that would take us for weeks at time.  But she was smart.  She got my brother and I involved in sports (both of us were horrible at it but we had fun) so we were at practice and games a couple of days the week.  This gave her time to reenergize.  I realize that this is what everyone needs.

The Return of the Mommy

She came back.  Child and father were thrilled but mommy was not feeling well and slept for 14 hours and then needed the next day to recover.  So daddy was not yet off duty but a weight was lifted.  She would read a book to our daughter while I could see what was happening around the world.  Just knowing that there was back up was a great feeling.