Book Review: The Joy of Sex

by silly_sad_machine

Originally published in 1972, The Joy of Sex was ruffling the tail feathers of modest housewives and God-fearing church-goers long before I was born. Born from the sexual revolution of the late 1960s and reshaping that revolution for the 1970s and beyond, it stood as one of the first of its kind - a matter-of-fact self help book about sex.

Times, undoubtedly, have changed. In its day, the unillustrated Joy of Sex challenged rigid mores about sexuality in America - namely, that sex wasn't something you talked about. Viewed through the guilt-smeared goggles of Christian and Victorian ideology, sex was a base, sinful desire that we did not acknowledge during the light of day. Sexual education, in this context, was a contradiction in terms.

Today, the 1972 printing of the book would seem woefully outdated. Its author's veiled supposition that his book was breaking new ground, that his text was a blatant challenge to the ruling class and their belief structures, might seem out of place. Public discourse about penises and vaginas may have raised some eyebrows in the 70s, but this is 2009 - our generation's starlets leave nothing to the imagination.

Thankfully, the framers behind Joy (original author Alex Comfort, who passed away in 2000, and his family) sensed the shifting landscape and adapted. To date four updated editions have been printed - in 1991, 1996, 2002 and 2008. The second edition married the updated text with illustrations, and following editions continued to reflect the way sexuality was changing (i.e., through the use of the Internet, through higher exposure to erotica, etc.).

The newest Joy, which still includes much of Comfort's original text, has been supplemented with additions by Susan Quillium, but it is still, at heart, the same book it was in 1972 - a frank, open discussion about all things sex. Its calling card, however, is its bias: that sexuality among consenting adults is not only acceptable but encouraged. The book's authors maintain that true health, both physical and emotional, is only achievable through a balance in our lives of cathartic outlets, and that our desire for sex is simply our body's way of trying to remain healthy. In their view, sex is no more or less immoral than eating or breathing.

Pros

In terms of open discussion and reservation of judgment, Joy is a breath of fresh air. The book's authors exhaustively cover the realm of sexuality among heterosexual couples (pointing out, as well, its shortcomings in discussing homosexual and lesbian intercourse. Never fear, however, as there are other Joys to be found).

Formatted like an encyclopedia, Joy covers topics ranging from masturbation, erotica, sex positions, toys, support services, and technique, to name a few. In three main sections it covers the whole of what we like, why we like it and how we should do it. It is consistently concerned, as well, with acceptance and emotional support among couples, and beyond explaining how to have sex it also deals frankly with how to approach sex. Its insights into this category, I think, are what make this book stand out among its competition. Any sex book can tell you how to do the Hoover, but only a tome like Joy can tell you how to make the Hoover an attractive proposition for your partner, how to approach the position without degrading your partner, and how to understand when maybe your obsession with the Hoover is going too far.

(NOTE: The Joy of Sex does not contain a description of the Hoover. Joy has a different name for it: croupade.)

As a spark for your sex life, I can only speak from my own experience. I have no way of knowing whether this book will give your love life that extra boost it's been missing. I can only say that Joy did it for me. My wife and I pored over its pages, and in many cases we read it together. We talked about things we hadn't done ("Oooo. That looks fun."), things we had done ("Been there."), and things we wouldn't do if our lives depended on it.

In our case, simply talking about sex was all we needed. It broke us out of the pattern that we seem to fall into, where we forget that we our sexual creatures and simply live to survive. We eat, we sleep, we work, we raise our daughter, and sex unintentionally takes a back burner. Having this book dropped in our laps, however, forced us to acknowledge once again that we both have desires ... and it reminded us how much we love to give in to those desires.

The book's illustrations did a great job of visually explaining what words simply could not (see the "rear entry" illustration). The illustrators followed the same general rules that most erotic self-helps do - regular photography to depict non-nude and nude touching, and pastel illustrations to depict genitalia, genital touching and actual sex. The models for the illustrations were a good choice, as well; the woman sexy but not overtly so, and the man of slender build and average stature. That is to say, your wife shouldn't get jealous of the woman's figure, and you probably won't feel like he's, ahem, stouter than you.

The Cons

For a reference book, Joy has few real cons. It's a hardcover, so the price (I found it for $19.63 at Amazon.com) may put you off. Some people don't enjoy reading hardcovers, as well, so that may be an issue for you as well.

The encyclopedic nature of the book seems like a good idea, as well, but it ends up being a little hard to navigate, if you're using it as a true reference book. The book is cut into four sections: Ingredients, Appetizers, Main Courses, and Sauce and Pickles (the latter being added only in the newest addition). Its table of contents, however, only references the first three sections, leaving you to flip through the last 75 pages or so to find what you're looking for. The dinner metaphor is also a little absurd, categorically speaking. It makes sense, but it doesn't aid the book's organization.

The book's binding is also a bit cumbersome - at times the pages will lay open flat with the binding exposed to the spine, and at other times the pages seem glued together. At first I thought this was simply a flaw in my copy, but after reading through the first few chapters I understood what was going on. The producers intentionally bound the book this way to highlight its two-page illustrations. While the idea was good (and the binding does make some of the illustrations look spectacular), it still makes for a cumbersome read.

The Official Call

Whether as a coffee table book, a serious reference guide or as simply a text to spark your love life, this book is a must-have. It looks good on your shelf, feels good in your hands and, best of all, clutters your mind with a lot of mostly useless information that will go over swimmingly at your next mixer. At the least The Joy of Sex will be a conversation topic for months to come, and at best it will get you doing things with your wife that you haven't even talked about since before the baby.

Good luck.