Lessons from the first year

By Phil Stott

My daughter Maeve turns one this week, and I thought I'd take the opportunity to sum up some of the best tips, advice and things I've learned about parenting in general since my life ceased to revolve around me.

1) Breast feeding is nature's gift to fathers. Really. Take two modern-day dads and put them side by side, and I'll pick the one with the bottle-fed child immediately. He's the one with bags under his eyes from the through-the-night feedings. The other one, well, the most he's had to do is bring baby to the owner of the hardware before drifting back into sweet oblivion. For the same reason, breast pumps are evil (just kidding!).

2) Always keep a selection of toys and books close at hand at diaper-changing time. Anything, in short, that will encourage your child to lie flat on their back and not attempt to crawl off the edge of the pad before you've had a chance to clean up the aftermath of the jar of prunes you fed them because they seemed "backed-up."

3) Leave them alone. Not literally, obviously, but if your child's content playing by him or herself, leave them to it. Last weekend, I lay on the couch and watched Maeve pull her socks off and play with them for 45 minutes ... well it seemed like 45 minutes anyway. Maybe it was five, but it was at least five where I did nothing but observe.

4) Making baby food is not difficult: there are lots of recipes that can be made in a single pot and then pureed in a food processor. It's cheap and you get the added peace of mind of knowing exactly what's in their food.

5) Most convenience stores sell nothing a baby can eat. Except, if you're lucky, overripe bananas.

6) Strangers in grocery stores will offer parenting advice on a regular basis. While exceptionally rude, being rude back fixes nothing. Apart from your sense of satisfaction.

7) There is nowhere to change a diaper in New York City. The Midwest, yes. Europe, everywhere. But when in the Big Apple - try your luck in a five star hotel. Some of those posh bathrooms have couches that can double as changing tables. Plus, no-one will tell you they're for customers only, and there's a much higher chance they'll be clean.

8) 7:30 is a lie-in. No, really.

9) An instruction booklet is nowhere near as helpful as a neighbor with three kids when it comes to installing a car seat for the first time.

10) There's too much advice out there to pay attention to all of it. Doctors in the U.S. tell you not to introduce X,Y and Z foods until your child is a year, while in Europe the same foods are part of a child's diet from 6 months on. Do your best to stay informed, but trust your instincts (and for at least the first year stay away from honey [botulism - who knew?], sushi and, uh, Chinese formula).

11) As parents, we are doomed to a life of continually finding out why the things our parents did made sense, and what a great job they actually did in raising us.

12) Just when you think you've got it down, everything changes. Kid sleeping through the night? Give it a week or two and you'll be getting up at 4 a.m. Eating solids? Expect them to start spitting them out any day now. The good news is that it works both ways. Kid waking up at 4? Give it a week or two.

13) Children are not nearly as expensive as they‘re cracked up to be. No-one needs even half the stuff on display in those big box retailers, and the difference between the top of the line items and the less expensive ones often comes down to a label. The same goes when registering; baby registries are just like wedding registries -- designed to get money into the store rather than stuff you need (or even like) into your own home. My rule of thumb here is "if it had been available, would my parents have used it?" The vast majority of the time, the answer comes back "no".

14) Nothing is too extreme for getting a crying baby to sleep. Maeve used to need to be swung in her car seat, while I've heard of other parents driving their kids around until they drop off. Others, meanwhile, seek out cobblestones for the roughest stroller ride imaginable. In short, if it works, do it (as long as it's safe, obviously).

15) No matter what fatherhood (or life) throws at you, good or bad, "all things must come to an end, and this too shall pass."