Being our fathers

By silly_sad_machine

Being the product of a deceased biological father and a sole step-father, I have a unique perspective when it comes to the whole nature versus nurture thing. On the one hand, my real father died when I was two and I have no memory of him. My step-father, however, has been my father since I can remember, and his presence as the main male authority in my life has certainly had its effect on me.  

I grew up on my step-father's farm. Although I spent a lot of my youth in front of any of various post-Atari game consoles, I was no stranger to the toils of manual labor. We built fence, worked cattle, hauled hay, drove grain trucks and cut wood. Summer was the worst time of year for working, and even though I loathed every minute of it then, I think back on it now with nothing but fondness. I didn't really know it at the time, but my father's work-centered perspective and the tasks he put me to, constructed the foundation for the way I feel about work and responsibility today.  

But I also share a wide variety of traits with my biological father. I inherited his love for music and his fondness for guitar. I am also told that I have his sense of humor, his attention to detail, his love of learning, his gift at fatherhood and his romantic side. I'm always amazed to hear new stories of what my father was like, to hear how much like me he really was.  

In my case, the argument ends in a direct tie; give two points each to nature and nurture. There is no clear winner, because there is no one method of passing on genetic and behavioral traits. We can see the evidence for nature everywhere we look: in genes, in physical appearance and in personalities. But it's obvious that nurture also plays a key role in social development.  

When I raise my daughter, I have two different fathers to hold myself up to. It's my step-father's everyday temperament that I find myself falling into, but I see my real father in my interactions with her, as well. Most guys try to avoid becoming their fathers, and here I'm trying to become them both.  

How are savvydads weighing in on this issue? Are we becoming our fathers? Are we dreading it like the plague but seeing it happen anyway? If we can see our fathers in ourselves, how much of that are we passing onto our own kids? What's the deal with being destined to be the Old Man?