Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
Submitted by jmishak on September 12, 2009 - 5:08am.
My toddler (2 1/2) lives primarily with his Mother, half-brother and the boyfriend and his two kids. Life is chaotic for him there so when he comes to my house he seems to just want to rest and enjoy the quiet. When we do play we play until we sweat and fall down, but more recently all he wants to do is watch his Sponge Bob dvd and sit on the couch.
How do I say no? At mom's he fights for attention and the harrassment of three older boys (ages 7-9). I feel like he deserves the peace and quiet and to think of daddy's house as HIS house, so....I am at a loss. I do not want to force him to play when he does not want to, but I am also concerned of the ever growing addiction to dvd's.
Help.
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
I wanted to respond to each one of you, but wow, you are all very appreciated. Thank you.
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
I wanted to respond to each one of you, but wow, you are all very appreciated. Thank you.
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
First of all, I have lived through this process and I can honestly say....he and you will be just fine. That said, the key is setting up consistent activities that he can find comfort in. Those activities can be as simple as helping with a simple chore (picking up toys), going to the park, watching a favorite team, playing a board game. Yes, his life is hectic at his Mom's but you can provide consistency and predictability. That is very important.
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
My suggestion would be to try and get out of the house and do something that you two can just hang out together (i.e. take a hike [put him on your shoulder], ride bikes, get ice cream, go to a movie), go to a park, etc. But be sure to mix it up.
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
Well...
I would say you are on the right track giving him a sense of your undivided attention. I would also say play some interactive toys with him. SpongeBob might be his guilty pleasure, but I would advise against indulging him too much.
If this is time where he gets attention, make the attention count. Do more than just play with him, learn with him. Go somewhere he thinks is cool and learn together with him. Those memories will be more important to him than just hanging out watching cartoons.
2.5 is hard because he is just learning to communicate, but make yourself part of his learning to communicate and speak by giving him experiances he wants to speak about.
Make it so time with Daddy is time he get to explore with his best buddy. Museums, Zoos, walks, Farms (little boys actually love just looking at farm animals in the field)
Here's an idea: Farm Day...drive out to a farm that sell produce and take him with you. We live in Harrisburg, PA and are surrounded by Bison ranches where we get our Bison steaks. We also, when we have the money, go to a couple with a Goat Ranch and buy cheese and milk. The kids love driving out into the country, seeing the animals and watching us buy from the source.
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
Thank you so much for your insight! I am just now becoming comfortable with exactly what you said, not just hanging out. Tough sometimes here in MN since the winters get cold, but we have started exploring more and more now that he potty trained and more adventurous.
Happy Holidays!
The Mishak's
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
What do you do when your family is torn apart....DIVORCE!!! Mom left and now I have my 7 yr son and 3 yr old daughter...How do I keep it all together.
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
Friends, Family and Faith. Also, no matter what, when it seems the most bleak and hopeless remind yourself to just keep livin. From here on out everything you do is for your kids and how they will remember Dad once they are grown up and adults. Don't focus so much on the right now, but more on setting the path for their future. This will give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment as well. remember, she left you so no matter what you do rightor wrond with your kids you were and will always be the one who stayed.
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
Since he has to compete for attention at his mom's, I would make sure that he knows how special the time is, to you, that you get to spend with him. 2.5 and sponge bob? My 4 year old is not allowed to watch that with all the name calling and violence, and I am not super conservative. Anyway, my guess would be he is trying to escape in the cartoon and likely even more day dreaming than watching the dvd. Puzzles, books, blocks; brain food, not brain candy and lots and lots of love and tlc, daddy's house will not only be where he want to go for sanctuary, but the place he will always remember as safe, secure, loving and supportive. Just my 2 cents.
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
i tend to find ways for my son and i to relax w/o dvds, etc. going outside and making out shapes in the clouds while we lay on the grass, going for a walk, etc. if he insists on watching tv and want to let him, don't throw on spongebob, find one of the educational (yet still enjoyable) shows like zooboomafo (Sp?) or jack's big music show, etc. best of luck!
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
Find other creative things to do together. At 2 1/2, he's going to enjoy any time he can spend with you obviously. But you can also put him on a limit as to how many DVD's he can watch and when he can watch them. I have 3 kids that are a little older, but when they were young, I taught them about sports and about winning and losing...mostly winning for them at that age. But a schedule is a good place to start. And when not watching DVD's, make exploring the outdoors fun. Learning colors, numbers by counting things (trees, cars...accomplish both colors and numbers), or like the other post said, just coloring or painting. Finger paint! Get creative, but above all, enjoy the time with him because when it comes down to it, all he wants to do when he is there is probably spend time WITH you...not just doing things. Glad to see there is another active single dad out there! :) Good luck!
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
Simply limit his time and break that up into increments...let him watch for an hour, play for two hours, watch for 30-minutes, play, etc...
I will bet over time he'll start to play longer thus forgetting the TV...assuming you are a fun play Dad but I bet you are if you have this concern.
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
oops, daddy's dvd player just broke! but hey, there is all this lego and coloring pens and paper and paint to play with.
Re: Daddy's house as a sanctuary.
Great advice about the broken DVD player. A good old fashioned book never hurt anyone either. Just ask him questions about the book's story as you read and he will love the interaction with you. It's a quiet activity and there's some good bonding there.
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